January 27, 2017

By the Way How Do You Wipe Your A$$ With Pierced Fingernails?

Gotta keep it real around here so, when I saw Kim Kardashian pop up on every single beauty site yesterday with her new pierced manicure I had to type aloud the thought that everyone was thinking about but possibly was scared to ass, I mean ask. How does one, to keep it G-rated, perform intimate bodily functions with pierced fingernails.

Aka wipe your A$$. Oops I said it.

I like to do a beauty most unusual post every now and again around here like KFC Sunscreen, replacing your hair conditioner with fabric softener, eyeball piercing…yeah, if nothing at all I like a good slice of the unusual in my beauty world.

Something you have to love about the beauty world is the amount of diversity and variety. There’s just so many new trends that pop up daily some of which are impractical, others that are incredibly innovative, and others that are potentially just weird.

Kim displayed her new “pierced” manicure on Instagram yesterday and of course, the Internet being the Internet, it spread like wild fire across a slew of different sites particularly popular beauty ones and even magazine sites like Allure and Teen Vogue. Everyone wanted to sit down, stare at the screen, drool from the mouth, and talk about how fantastic Kim’s manicure was. Some did touch on the topic about how it might be impractical as well.

I keep my nails short and I envy anyone that can go longer because I can’t chew gum and walk at the same time. Having long nails is impossible for me! I feel like I can’t type correctly, can’t use my phone, and just about everything suddenly becomes harder when my nails are super long. I think the last time I had long nails I was in high school. Anyone that can do daily tasks with longer nails gets an award because I’m jealous.

Now think about me with long nails with dangling hoops at the tips. I’d really get absolutely nothing done. How does one perform the simplest of tasks when you have dangling hoops from your nails? Getting dressed? Doing your hair? Makeup? Performing other, important doodies.

Props to Kim if she can get through her busy daily life with dangling hoops from the tips of her nails.

WHAT about you?

Could you embrace this manicure and actually get things done easily or would you find it a chore?

Do share!

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About the Muse

Isabella MuseIsabella is just an average everyday geeky girl who doesn’t blend her eyeshadow correctly, wears too much blush, and hopes she never finds her holy grail products because she likes the thrill of the chase so much. Her mission is to bring you super honest reviews on makeup, skincare, fragrance and all things beauty. She’s in no way an expert on the topic and she sure as hell isn’t a super model. But she’s passionate about makeup and is seeking like-minded individuals that like pina coladas, getting caught in the rain, and ones that enjoy spending hundreds of dollars at Sephora without feeling buyer’s remorse. If you’re that person feel free to reach out and leave a comment or follow me on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, and Bloglovin‘.

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  • KimMWC03

    I pierced one of my nails in high school cuz I was bored. The earring pulled on my hair and it hurt so I removed the earring (lasted about a day). Ha ha!

    • Isabella Muse

      ha ๐Ÿ˜€ ok, so high school, I get it, we want to experiment and be different but as an adult? I think we’re all like, REALLY? Umm no!

  • Carol G

    Muse, you are too funny! This made me laugh out loud! I agree, but let’s face it she has people doing her hair and makeup I’m sure but doing her private stuff I doubt she has anyone doing that so yeah, how does she manage?

    • Isabella Muse

      gosh I should hope she doesn’t have a “person” to do those things for her lol!

      • Sas

        Actually, it’s like anything else she (who should not be named) does. She took these off. She didn’t keep them on, it was for a photo. She lies about almost everything it seems.

        • Isabella Muse

          really? Where’d you read that? I need an update on this crazy manicure!

  • Heidi

    I remember seeing pierced nails when I was in high school in the late 1980s, in some fashion mag or something. And back then I thought the same thing you are thinking now. I used to work with a woman who had nails that long, too, and it would become a source of conversation with the girl I shared an office with. “How can she …?” We weren’t even sure she could unzip her pants to go pee, because her nails were so long.

    • Isabella Muse

      I have a client who has nails that actually curl under, it is beyond amazing to me how she gets anything done!

  • Christina D.

    Sista Muse, you gave me a laugh to get me through this dragging-slowly-by Friday afternoon.

    I hate long nails. I hate the E!TV family that will not be named. And I’m absolutely sh*t sure the pay someone to do all of their dirty work. Video to follow.

    • Isabella Muse

      omg glad I’m not alone sis. It’s the longest day ever! I can’t get a damn thing done in long nails never mind ones with piercings lol!

  • Sara

    Haha! I did have a nail salon do that to ONE of my acrylic nails back in the early 90’s. This just made me LOL…..

    • Isabella Muse

      I think one I could handle but a bunch of hoops on each nail? Um no! ๐Ÿ˜€

      • Sarah

        If I recall I had a small piercing in my acrylic nail in the 90’s. I can’t remember if it was a stud or a small hoop. I’m thinking small hoop. Like the size your necklaces clasp with. It was on my pinky finger. These are ridiculous, but she has morphed into some strange robot of herself. Instead of a Stepford wife, she is a West wife. And she looks horrid.

  • Karla

    Come on, Muse! Don’t you know that KK doesn’t poop? She has transcended such common human necessities and only toots puffs of holographic glitter!!! On a serious note, I really hope this doesn’t become a trend!

    • Isabella Muse

      I actually puff holographic glitter, is that a problem? LOL ๐Ÿ™‚ Hehe! I hope not either, I mean to each his/her own but I can’t picture this being practical at all!

    • Michelle Flamingo

      What you wrote was hilarious, and I agree with you that I hope it does not become a trend. I don’t like it at all.

  • Danielle

    Wasn’t it rumored that Henry VIII had someone to wipe his bottom and change his underwear? I’d be more worried about how I was going to change my contacts! I assume Kim doesn’t wear contacts because she might poke her eyes out with those things. (Unless she decides to make eyepatches a fashion statement! Swarovski encrusted eyepatches, of course!)

  • Tabitha

    She obviously wipes lefty. But i thought the same thing & thats the answer i came up with. Pretty sick way to spend my time really. But we did that back in the 80s. On our real nails of course, then u gotta chop em off. You couldnt poke a hole in an old school Lee press on nail so we had to sacrifice the natural nail.

  • Tabitha

    Ok no I just thought of a better answer than she wipes lefty— she definitely has her ASSistant do the dirty deed for her. Of course.

  • Lori

    BAH HA HA HA LMAO (pun intended)!!! That title was so funny I just showed to my husband and yes-you just said what everybody was thinking anyway ๐Ÿ˜‰

  • Adrienne

    These comments are hilarious! I am not a fan but let’s say she had them done, posted the pic then removed the rings. Similar to people who do swatches ๐Ÿ™‚

    Yes I know I’m reaching. I can’t even wear the textures or diamonds on my nails without getting them caught in my hair. Lol.

    • Isabella Muse

      That would be cool because if those were in all the time, well, good luck! ๐Ÿ˜€

  • Gabriella

    The first time I saw pierced nails was in the early 90’s and I thought it was as unhygienic af and I still think it is. Imagine all the bacteria getting trapped around the piercing! Also, we all know that family has people that wait on them all hours of day the day so it wouldn’t surprise me if someone wipes their asses for them too

  • Nicole

    I’m right with you. Even long nails are too mooch to deal with. Maybe KK has a fancy Japanese toilet? The only other thing I can think is she takes them off when she needs to?

  • Michelle Flamingo

    I’ll be 50 years old this year and I’ve never seen this before. I do not like it at all. I bet she did it to get lots of views, attention, etc. She might not even like it. I sometimes think people like Kim “have” to do things they don’t want to do to get views, ratings, followers, etc.

  • Randi MacDonald

    I’ve always kept my nails short( and manicured, always polished). I’m a lesbian : ). Enough said. LOL.

  • nancy

    Funniest thread ever! Thank you for keeping it real. I’ve unsubscribed from every beauty post but yours (I’m focusing on politics for now)! Your’s is the best!

    • Isabella Muse

      aw thanks nancy. Right now, writing about makeup and beauty is the hardest thing to do with the world in chaos sigh! Stay strong!

  • Jean

    I wouldn’t be surprised if she has someone else do it. Not because she’s rich but because she’s a spoiled skank.

  • Upsy Daisy

    Someone beat me to it. I was going to inform you she does not poop!

    Besides that, I loathe long nails. Looks horrible and are super uncomfortable. Bleah

  • Liz

    LOL! I’ve never watched any of the Kardashians, but I can only assume there are bidets in her bathrooms?

  • Samirah

    I laughed reading this but i gotta agree some of these trends are not practical! Forget abt the piercing just the length of that nail tip —does she not touch her kids?
    When ive done fake nails ive kept it to lower practical length and i still had difficult time getting my child in out of her car seats lol…. i had to trim them further to be able to take my child out of her car seat

  • Stephanie

    Hey, I think I figured it out, maybe. She probably has one of those ridiculously expensive bidet toilets that wash and blow dry and do everything but p–p for you!
    Now, do we think changing a diaper is possible? Or is it laughable to even think that Kim ever does that herself!

  • HCB

    I howled when I saw this post and had to comment. You asked the million dollar question that no one else will touch. Too funny!

  • Silvia

    One swipe up Kim’s ass and she’ll leave tons of little earrings up hers?! How cute! Not! Lol! Can’t help it.

  • Annie

    The only G-Rated and plausible answer I can think of is Japanese-style toilets with the spray & stream options that essentially power-wash the debris from the derriere. Kim can definitely afford that.

  • amy

    My mom gets catalogs for seniors that contain items to help with daily life activities, such as “claws” to get things off high shelves, etc… One interesting item is a “stick” that holds on to the TP, for those who may have reaching due to arthritis, and the like. I would imagine her to need this apparatus no matter what’s going on with her nails, given the size of her ass, and and with her petite stature, I can’t imagine her arms being long enough to reach behind…

  • Carmen

    This post is hilarious! ngl, the first thing that I thought when I saw her nails was how does she wipe herself?! They look like press on nails, so I’m wondering if maybe she pops them off one hand or if it was a temporary look for pictures or an outing. Either that or someone else is doing the wiping or she’s using a one of those stick things (I forgot the name!) that holds the toilet paper for people who have difficulty for various medical reasons.

    I wouldn’t pierce my nails. I think they’d get caught in my hair more than anything. As it is, whenever I have a bad nail break, my nail gets caught in my hair and makes the break worse lol.